On Being Poor

When you're as low on funds as I am, you have to ask yourself: Should I really be writing right now?

The answer is, inevitably, quite complicated. It depends on the situation. I feel that the answer should be obvious, Yes, of course, if not now of all times, when? Why not now, when you are unemployed and have loads if free time to share with your imagined worlds and characters that have started to become more real than reality?

Yes, good question. A retort could certainly be, Well, because it isn't earning any money. I could use this time to be job searching more often.

So where do we, as writers, find the balance? And if we aren't the only people affected by our choices, what of the guilt? Any writer, rich or poor, will understand what I mean by The Guilt, the all-consuming knowledge that while what you do is fulfilling, makes you happy, and you hope it will pay the bills, well, it probably isn't right now, and there are people taking care of things, taking care of you, and maybe even your children (but most certainly the housework), while you are lost in your writing.

But is that so wrong, really? Aren't we all working toward the same thing, this fleeting idea that if we work hard enough, surely it will pay off and some day in the distant future we can all just be comfortable? A fiction writer's way of working hard is to be occasionally absent-minded and severely plot-obsessed, spending long hours at the computer with bags under her bloodshot eyes, and asking everyone, anyone, Please, what do you think of this paragraph here?

After all, what greatness can be found in any profession without resilience? Somehow many before me found a way to deal with The Big Bad Guilt, and so shall I. Will I disappoint anyone along the way? Most certainly, but especially myself. Should I keep looking for a job? Yes, and submit applications fairly often to interesting endeavors, because you never know where inspiration might come from, and besides, it keeps everyone off your back. ;)